Work-Life Balance for Building Peace

Basically, I pursued my career in government institutions since 1985 until now as a researcher and lecturer within the Ministry of Religious Affairs. From this position, I am freer to present the voice of women in various issues and cases. In the Ministry of Religious Affairs, I voice the rights of women in public policies concerning marriage and a number of policies related to women. I am also very active in various education and training programs, and also advocacy activities on the issue of democracy, human rights, and religious freedom in Indonesia.

Even though this job as civil servant does not prevent me from being active in various non-government organizations: Women organization, Islamic organization, and interfaith organization. From 1990-2005, I was one of  the head of Fatayat Nahdlatul Ulama, young women organization belong to Nahdhatul Ulama, the biggest Islamic Organization in Indonesia. I was also the head of Research Division of the Indonesian Council of Ulemas (2000-2005).

In 1998 together with progressive scholar I established The Institute for Religions and Gender Studies (LKAJ), and then in 1999 together with Abdurahman Wahid (Gus Dur) and a number of pluralist religious leaders from various religions I established an interfaith organization called the ICRP (Indonesian Conference on Religion for Peace). This organization is very actively in promoting peace through interfaith dialogue and peace education. We also promote religious freedom for all people.

At the ICRP, I mobilize the potentials of religious  leaders to take care of human rights, in particular the rights of minority groups. I also invites female religious leaders to come to the fore as promoters of peace and as initiator of conflict reconciliation, and also to accompany religious communities who have been discriminated against by the state and by majority groups  to demand their religious freedom.

Working in this organization for  a long time, I came to the conclusion that there are at least three concrete actions must be done:

Firstly,  cultural reconstruction through education in its widest sense, namely from education in family life to formal education in school then non formal education in society life. These efforts are absolutely very much needed because culture of peace, tolerant and inclusive cannot emerge naturally and spontaneously in our society,  instead it must be arranged in such way through education in widest meaning.

Secondly, law reform. We need to amend and review of some important laws and public policies which are not conducive to the establishment of democracy. After that, it is important to push the state to fulfill its obligation in promoting, protecting and fulfilling the principles of human rights, especially the rights of religious freedom.

Thirdly, reinterpretation of religious teachings. In this regard, it is very important to urge religious leaders to promote humanistic and inclusive religious interpretations which is friendly women. So that, there will no longer be any interpretations that are discriminative against women and minority groups. Religious leaders should return to their prophetic task which is to push for transformation of society in order to attain a civilized society.

I do believe that interfaith dialogue is an attempt to overcome all forms of discriminations and prejudice in our society.  I am so convinced that faith is dialogical. Faith is dialogical first, between God and human beings; and second among human beings.

Now I would like to share my experience in women empowerment, particularly in promoting the health and reproductive rights of women. I devoted my time to this program for more than 20 years. The principal aim of this program was to promote women basic right, especially to Muslim woman groups at the grass-root level.

I have to acknowledge that the implementation of this program in the society was not as easy as it was on paper. Talking about health means entailing a wide variety of other issues existing in the society, such as: community’s nutrition processing, ensured availability of clean water, environmental sanitation, the provision of immunization, the maintenance of health infrastructures and facilities provided by the government, and of no least importance was the family planning awareness.

20 years being engaged in this program, I really discovered and learned so many interesting lessons  which boil down to as follows: It was not easy to convince the society concerning the importance of women rights, particularly health and reproductive rights and the need of Family Planning Program.

To empower women actually means to authorize power or increase the overall position, status and condition of women in every spheres of life. In my long practical experience, I can conclude that women empowerment would result in better and more developed society. When women contribute equally along with men for the benefit of society, the world would surely become a better place to live.

In 2004, in my capacity as The Coordinator of the Gender Mainstreaming Team in the Ministry of Religious Affairs, I have developed and proposed a new Draft of Islamic Family Law.

This draft of Family Law grounded in the Islamic principles of equality and justice, and have prepared a guide to the proposed provisions, with justifications for reform based on a holistic framework that emphasizes four elements: religious principles, domestic laws and policies, international human rights law, and sociological trends and data that present the realities of women in Indonesian families.

The question is why the Reform of Family Law is important? Family law is a litmus test for gender equality and has the most powerful impact on Muslim women lives. One of the subtle but most pervasive areas of discrimination against women in the Muslim world today is the inequality that occurs within the context of the family.

Throughout Muslim countries, Muslim women are speaking out about such discrimination and are fighting for reform of family laws to promote justice and equality within the family. In almost all countries women face gender-based discrimination in their family laws.

The current Islamic Family Law in Indonesia contains a large number of provisions that explicitly or implicitly discriminate against women, such as:

1. The minimum age of marriage is lower for women than men.

2. A woman, regardless of her age, can only marry with her guardian's consent, where as a man does not need to get the consent of a guardian.

3. A Muslim man can marry a non-Muslim woman but a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man.

4. A man may marry multiple wives (up to four), but a woman can only have a monogamous marriage.

5. A woman is supposed to obey her husband. Her failure to comply with the "lawful" wishes of her husband constitutes "nusyuz" and means she can lose her right to maintenance.

6. A man can divorce his wife at will, outside of the court system, but a woman must go to court and obtain a judicial divorce on one of a number of very specific grounds that require extensive evidence.

7.  Custody and guardianship of children are determined separately. The mother has a right to physical custody of her children only up to the age seven for a son or nine for a daughter, after which custody "devolves upon" the father.

8. The law specifies that a woman (not a man) can lose custody on several grounds, including "immorality."

Some of the key reforms that we are proposing include:

1. An equal minimum age of marriage (nineteen years) for men and women;

2.  Abolition of the requirement that the (male) guardian must consent to the marriage of a woman;

3. A standard form marriage contract in which all marriages contracted are monogamous and polygamy is prohibited

4. An equal division of matrimonial assets, instead of the present standard practice of awarding only one-third of the assets to the wife; and

5. An equal right to custody and guardianship of children.

With this draft I wish to eliminate all forms of discrimination, exploitation and violence, particularly in family life. For me it is actually an effort to seek solution for a number of contemporary social problems faced by Indonesian's women. That is my concept on Work–life balance.  

For me, Work–life balance  is a concept including proper prioritizing between work (career and ambition) and lifestyle (health, pleasure, leisure, family and spiritual). As such, how do we build a work-life balance? I have never encountered problems in my endeavors. The holy book, the Al-Qur’an, gives us firm guidelines that all humans, irrespective of their sex, gender, race, skin, language and even religion are created to promote a very important vision of their creation as khalifah fil ardh (entrusted guardians of the earth). As guardians, humans are expected to be able to organize and manage life on earth in the best way possible for the good of all humans, and this must begin from one’s own wellbeing.

I have proven that I can balance work and family life well. Based on my experience, we should have the firmness to say no when we already have so much work to handle. I am always thinking of my limitations, because everything has its limit. I must also be able to allocate time for recreation, to spend time with my close friends, chatting with them in a cheerful ambiance.

I also make time to pamper myself in beauty salons, to have reflexology massages and so on, although it is not something that I do very often. It is because, for me, physical appearance, beauty, a smooth skin is not everything although it is important. I believe more that a healthy mental state, spiritual maturity, empathy, compassion, sincerity and altruism bring more benefit in human relations.

In life, we have to be able to set our scale of priorities. We cannot do two things simultaneously and therefore we must be smart in choosing, never letting our ego and selfishness constrain us. It is very possible that one day, we might have to make the family’s needs and family life a priority.

However, above all else, we must leave everything in God’s hands for He is the All-Caring God and we must always ask for His help in everything that we do and in every breath that we take. That is unquestionable.